stop the translation

2007-03-17T07:06:00.000-04:00

Places to avoid

This one is called Zanzibar bar in NYC and if the stupidly echoing name doesn't raise a red flag I'll do it for you.
A bouncer checks your ID but doesn't bother to open the heavy door for you. Then, as you walk in, at least four employees stare at you with grinning faces like you just stepped into a trap but you're yet to find out. Then a person greets you, how nice, let's pretentiously call her the Maitre'D. You are then briskly lead by another one, the Leader, to the wardrobe where another one, the Wardrobe lady, who looks a bit ashamed to be a part of the whole scam, takes your coats. As you get your coat tags, another grinning person, the Who's this, leads you to the table where another one, the Menu messenger, brings some heavy one pound wooden menus with a mere seven dubious concoctions with pretentious names written on it and priced at or around $16 each. Then the Waitress comes. It was Friday night.
At this point I took a quick look around, I saw the fake atmosphere, the scattered customers with a niche for false sophistication and a lack of taste and the all around weirdness and made up my mind. "Let's go", I said.
The bouncer, the Maitre'D, the Leader, the Wardrobe lady, the Who's this, the Menu messenger and the Waitress, seven people work for this place before you get to order a drink.
If anybody ever recommends this place to you, do this: kick him in the balls, knee him in the forehead and punch him in the nose. If balls are not an option, just bitch slap her, whatever that means.

2007-02-01T13:56:00.000-05:00

Brownie it the other way, please!

It's only February, yet one item cemented a spot on The Most Idiotic Things of the Year list. A restaurant in Atlantic City serves a brownie for $1,000.
Now, let's relax a bit. There's a video about it on yahoo. People are asked to give their opinion on the matter. Each and every one of them climbs right on top of the afore mentioned list with their answers. Not even one of them states the obvious:
- What do you think?
- I think it's pure stupidity, to make it and to buy it.

2006-10-29T09:23:00.000-05:00

Stop the translation!

- Ce faci?
- Imi descarc niste empitriuri de pe net.
- Mmmmmmmmmm...mda.
In clipa asta te gindesti sa-ti infunzi miinile in buzunare , sa apuci tot ce gasesti acolo, portofel, bilet de tramvai, pixuri, pachet de tigari, bricheta si sa i le infunzi pe toate in gura, dupa care sa i le indesi cu pumnul pina in esofag.
O alta varianta ar fi sa te gindesti cum bietul Internet a aparut in Romania si a cazut pe mina unor imberbi tocilari cu noua clase la activ si creierasul plin de informatii inutile, precum engleza de liceu industrial si cum viziunea lor geniala "in citiva ani toata lumea o sa se dea pe net" a deschis cutia cu viermi a traducerilor brutale din engleza si in acest domeniu, Internetul. Mi-ar placea sa ii pun in spatele unui camion plin cu saci cu cartofi si sa le spun: Download this! Probabil dupa douazeci de minute de gindire profunda ar decide ca am invatat si eu engleza la vreun industrial si confund download cu unload. Hmm, cum ramine cu Internetul insa?
Dar inapoi la empitriuri! Oare "muzica" nu suplineste imbecilitatea suficient? Mp3 sau wma sau orice altceva, pina la urma asculti muzica.
De pe net, desigur. Traducem on line ca la liceu pentru ca in line inseamna cu totul altceva.
Si in sfirsit, net. De unde pina unde? In engleza net inseamna ceva in context. In romana inseamna deja ceva, cu totul altceva, dar ce mai conteaza.
- Incearca deci sa te intorci undeva in clasa a doua, cind erai mai inteligent. Ce faci?
- Iau muzica din, litera mare, Internet.

2006-10-10T09:48:00.000-04:00

EUROPOP

Was it ever out?

2006-09-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

ORIANA FALLACI,
At peace with war

2006-09-22T12:16:00.000-04:00

Monkeys in space

Another empty minded millionaire is going to travel in space. Great, she dreamed about exploring space since childhood. Now she can finally do it. Why? Because she has more money than she needs and she obviously isn't able to put it to good use. Meanwhile, thousands of people who dreamed about exploring space and actually pursued a career that should lead to that are being constantly thrown to the backburner and will never experience space travel, never, in their lives. It's impossible. There's not enough room for them.
The list of wealthy anonymous however is getting longer and longer. Celebrities are jumpin' in too. They had enough of dumping to charities, they realised it doesn't get enough coverage anymore. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that A-list celebrities still give their tax money to charities rather than stuffing it into the bottomless Taxman's pockets. I really do.
But flying in space for 20 million dollars?
Who do you think you are, after all?
In this last case it's a nobody who wants to buy her own celebrity. A whimsical lunatic looking for bragging topics at her nail polishing sesions. 20 million dollars just to have a satisfactory sensation similar to what you could get on a $200 space flight simulator ride. You can even buy the thing, why not, Michael Jackson bought a full size roller coaster once. Then you can have your nails done in simulated space, right in your backyard so you won't have to worry about breaking 'em every time you want to touch something and you get slapped, along with a timely "Don't touch!"

2006-09-19T08:03:00.000-04:00

The Mets, the Champions

Here it is. The 2006 NY Mets are the 2006 National League East Champions. They got there by playing the most amazing type of baseball I've ever seen. Sweeps and blowouts, come frome behind wins, luck-ridden games and dominant performances, you name it they did it this year, more than once.
This was the first step, with two more to come. Will they go all the way, will they fall short by a whisker, will they march over everybody or will it be a battle in every single playoff game they play? You never know. Just keep watching them, they deserve it. They play amazin' baseball again.

2006-09-15T12:30:00.000-04:00

Would it kill you to kill them? I know it will if you don't.

Is there any decency left in the American politicians if there ever was. What if they stopped trying so hard to protect an already tarnished international face and start doing things for the sake of America only. This is what they're doing anyway, why bother painting it rosier. It's dark, that's how it is nowadays, it's good for the country.
For starters, what if the US withdraws every single soldier it ever deployed on foreign ground. I mean all of them and I'll tell you why. Then the crybabies will be back, "we need help", "can anyone fix this mess please", "can't you see we're in trouble while you're prospering?"
That's how it all started way back then. When a couple of wars were about to detour Europe and send it towards another type of European Union. So let them cry for about five to ten years and then be politically correct again and say "well, talk to the UN, I'm sure they'll fix you in 20 years or so".
Meantime, please, next time you spot a peacefull gathering of over a hundred idiots like the ones who call themselves your enemies forever, do yourself a real favor and bomb them. And if, Mohamed's will, you'll ever find a group of 3,000 of them bomb them even harder. Here's an article if you don't know what I'm talking about.

2006-09-09T17:00:00.000-04:00

Belly soother

I just downed an eight-pack of soft baked oatmeal raisin cookies in less than two minutes. Why not, it's Saturday afternoon and I'm watching Federer distroying Nikolay ... and the rest of the competition really. Here's how it works: you open the damn bag, eat one cookie in one bite, than another one and then you decided to double-deck the rest of it. By the time you're done with the first of those you seriously start considering quadruple-deckering the last four. It only takes two bites anyway.

2006-09-01T11:26:00.000-04:00

Get a minority ID

Today minorities are like political parties, AA meetings and any other groups promoting their own image. They don't really exist in the real world. They are all third rate, made up congregations. And every person that loses touch with reality joins one of those. It's unfortunate and sad that anybody still believes that a group of people can think and therefore should act alike. Explain this to me: I take the subway as a minority, sit next to a guy that considers me a majority, then four stops later, I become a minority while the guy next to me is now a majority. The next day I fly home. As the plane takes off, I sit next to a minority to my left and a majority to my right. By the way, i'm also a minority to the guy to my left. When we land, however, they are both minorities while I'm the almighty majority, although between them one is still a minority and the other a majority. You figure it out! Declaring yourself a minority shouldn't give you any additional rights. It does, due to dumb politically correct orientations of all the ass kissing local, national and international authorities. Do yourself a favor and get out of it by your own. Stop whining. Get real.

2006-09-01T11:07:00.000-04:00

Save Pluto!

Let's put our hands toghether for planet Pluto.

2006-08-30T15:06:00.000-04:00

Technorati Profile

2006-08-29T08:53:00.000-04:00

Cleopatra Stratan, the best thing coming from Romania post 1989.

2006-08-25T12:42:00.000-04:00

Things to do, see and hear in NYC, 2

Line up to get tickets to see Meryl Streep in Brecht's Mother Courage at Delacorte Theatre in Central Park.
1. Why line up? Hmm, because it's free, because it's Meryl Streep, Brecht and by the way Kevin Kline joined the cast replacing Christopher Walken.
2. Why pass up? Because you have to line up at 6 AM in Central Park, actually make it 2 AM, that's when people seem to gather outside the Park and line up to line up inside the Park (which opens at 6 AM, got it?). You can also dole up about a hondo and get a "sponsored" ticket if you're really dying to see it.

2006-08-25T12:39:00.000-04:00

Stop the translation, 2

I'm not a big fan of translated dialogue. Here's why. Try to remember any WWII English language movie, where German officers talk to each other in English with a German accent. And they are all american actors. Now, whether they want us to believe those Germans actually had knowledge of English language or they think the movie sounds more realistic, that's just silly. It became a trend, it caught up and I don't think it will stop anytime soon. Asking actors to cover certain accents where the character actually has one will always backfire one way or another. Unless it's Meryl Streep in "Sophie's choice" or Robin Williams in "Mrs. Doubtfire" it's a lost cause. Think about poor Renee Zellweger in "Cinderela Man" telling Jim Braddock "you are the pride of Bergen and the champion of my heart" with a silly Joysey accent. People were slapping their knees and choking with laughter just when the movie was supposed to deliver a dramatic moment. How about the unbearable accent of Lena Olin in "The unbearable lightness of being"? Beautiful novel, decent movie, hard to follow Sabina. And the beat goes on. I will go as far as saying that you don't even need to display an Elvis voice and look if you play the part. Unless you're one of the flying Elvis impersonators or a "do Elvis, no, do Bush, wait, do Nicholson" party clown you should stick to your craft and be someone more than a talking wax museum character.

2006-08-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

Beautiful picture of a beach in Mexico! A friend of mine was there. Shouldn't we all? "Forget Maui."

2006-08-15T10:54:00.000-04:00

Big Country, Small Country – The new imperialism cover up

There’s a new game in town, a political one, exclusively political. Just like all the games of this nature it will end up on a dusty shelf, unused and eventually recycled. But it’s a fun game to play. Unlike Monopoly, where being the Bank is a bit boring unless you have a knack for financial martyrdom, this new adult form of entertainment gives you deeper chills only if you choose to play the part of Big Country. Although something tells me you don’t get to pick a role. Not really.
It’s been a long time now since the US established itself as the standard for both Big Country and big power. Desperately trying to keep up with the trend, the big old countries and powers of Europe sheepishly decided to form an acronymic disaster called EU. Oddly enough, their decision regarded, involved and included, but never asked for approval from, the entire continent!? The Small Country never had a say in this, taking it to the chin the old fashion way by keeping it quiet. Or did it? When there’s a big all encompassing plan there’s always a smaller one that’s better and more likely to succeed. Even a “no plan at all” plan or a “follow the crowd” plan can have a rosier ending than that. I mean, where did this infatuation with territorial bonding come from? In Europe? Come on, imperialism never stood a chance there. Unless of course you look back instead of blindly running forward, trying to catch a modern chimera called…Big Country.
Some small Arab countries are trying to flex their muscles against an overpowering Big Country? Forget it. And forget the UN. I doubt they have anything potent to come up with towards the Muslim world and just like another ubiquitous organization of the same proportions and futility, the UNICEF, it barely stays afloat trying to justify its ancient rules and inflated budgets and members. And as far as the British involvement is concerned, well, it’s only a common language and a bland second grade mentality that’s keeping that alliance alive. How about some leverage? Is it possible that some nations have simply forgotten their own history? There is not going to be a World War III and nobody’s going to push “the button”. Nuclear bombs, oil, freedom of speech and occupied territories are, one way or another, obsolete. Either you open the closed door and walk into the future or you stand proud in front of it and wait for the little people to open it for you so you can march in with defiance. Well, it’s not going to happen because the little people are already in.
But, basically, Big Country is marred in delusion. The thought that one day all nations under God will be divided in no more than two or three united territories of international culture and language gives salivating dreams to all the self proclaimed commander-in-chiefs. It also gives any reasonable human being a long yawn. The disintegration of the yet to be alive EU and the failure of an impossible task that US has burdened itself with, that of defining the imaginary borders of a so called Free World, are both inevitable and refreshing. Disintegration and failure, that doesn’t sound like fun, does it? I’ll take the Small Country. Let’s begin.

P.S. If you ever wanted to be a political commentator or a journalist of any kind, you couldn’t possibly miss Mike Wallace’s last interview. Hopefully it was his last one and hopefully you had a chance to see the unedited ninety minutes of it, as shown on CSPAN. All we could see throughout Mike’s mumblings, his drunken gestures, his senile reactions, his utter lack of thought and most of all his strident impunity was a thoughtful, well-intended, realistic and honest president of a country that, in the eyes of everybody who takes their history lesson via local media, is fervently harboring terrorism. And I’m not even sure that’s true. But it certainly looked like that. Bye bye, Wally!

2006-08-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

The goods, 1

Definitely among the goods of the year:

1. Watching the 2006 New York Mets playing pain-free, spotless, joyfull baseball. Ya gotta know da roolz though. www.mets.com

2. "The Illusionist", starring Ed Norton. Take it as a recommendation, the premises are just too attractive. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001570/

3. "Castles", the new Coldplay album, due up for December 2006. Yes, it's out there, do your homework if you can't wait. No link, Big Brother is watching.

2006-08-09T19:45:00.000-04:00

Stop the translation, 1

I'm one of the happy people able to live in two languages. And I'm very happy with both. There's no burden whatsoever in switching the channels. That's why it's painful, hilarious and unbearable when you hear or read any of those dreadfull "skilfully knitted" mixed-breeds language.
Please, pipes are not "paipe" and the quarters are not "cuorere". Si nici nu "avem fun".
I am ready to admit that between any two languages there's a ZONE where words will sound or look similar. And you should enjoy it. But it's just for fun. Anytime you'll read my ZONE you'll know what I mean (if we share the same two languages, that is).

2006-08-09T19:38:00.000-04:00

Am, n-am.

Am sa inaugurez scrierea in ZONA cu expresia "sint uluit". Desigur, sint adeptul pe viata al i-ului din i, nu din a. Revenind, sint uluit, cum spuneam, sau cum spune americanu', I'm numb. Asadar, amnam.

2006-08-09T14:02:00.000-04:00

Things to do, see and hear in NYC, 1

1. Guy on his cell: So, she’s driving, right, and she goes “Wow, dear, isn’t that the most annoying thing ever, I mean ever!” and I’m like “No, hun, that’s watching you drive.”
2. Three women are having breakfast at 7 AM on a Tuesday at SERAFINA, sidewalk table, on Broadway, no less.